just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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