Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
