She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
