So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it was like eating out sand paper
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
