At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
