i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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