mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
