Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
