Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
