wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
