I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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