You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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