At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
