I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
