I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize