If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
