I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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