you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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