So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize