Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
