you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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