I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
