Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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