Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
