just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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