operation harelip BJ is a go
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
