already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
