Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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