She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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