No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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