Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
