So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She's the barista slut.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
