Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize