I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We're too hungover to prance.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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