Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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