There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
