I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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