Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
