My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
