You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
