first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
