You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
