Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
