i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
God, I missed his penis.
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