Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
