I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
More tranny stories later!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
