ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
