just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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