Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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