While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
