I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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