btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize