she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
