You made me cry and you don't even care
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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