Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
