That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
