he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
