some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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