Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
