So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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