Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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