Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
