I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
