Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
