just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I need moral support for this bender
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
