Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
