I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
