Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
