Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
