happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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