Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
honey bunches of taint.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
