just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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