I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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