The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
