The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
