What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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