Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
